| Mila Ruiz Tecala Washington, D.C. Healer of Damaged Emotions A Messenger of Light and Hope |
WASHINGTON- Life and death and the valley of tears and anguish
that straddles them is the road, the avenue, the Main Street that
Mila Ruiz Tecala traverses every day. It's where she earns her daily
bread as a healer and counselor. It's the terrain where she stands
teaching others fallen on that venue to rise up once more, lift high
their heads and breathe new hope-- for life must go on, wounds
heal in time.
For her darkness of bereavement gives way to joy in the morning.
Sometimes, she finds this place of loss and grief in a cancer ward
in a modern hospital. Or in a family home where a mother whose
identity is bound to her child grieves over its loss because the
child is dead. Or in a corporate office where workers are losing
their jobs. Or in a courtroom, where law enforcers, jury and judge
must fathom the depths of loss and depression before making a
ruling for someone before the bar.
This Filipino American woman known for her radiant smile and
kind words is intimately acquainted with death, dying, loss and
grief. She is in fact one of the leading grief counselors in the
country today, one of the pioneers of the grief counseling
that straddles them is the road, the avenue, the Main Street that
Mila Ruiz Tecala traverses every day. It's where she earns her daily
bread as a healer and counselor. It's the terrain where she stands
teaching others fallen on that venue to rise up once more, lift high
their heads and breathe new hope-- for life must go on, wounds
heal in time.
For her darkness of bereavement gives way to joy in the morning.
Sometimes, she finds this place of loss and grief in a cancer ward
in a modern hospital. Or in a family home where a mother whose
identity is bound to her child grieves over its loss because the
child is dead. Or in a corporate office where workers are losing
their jobs. Or in a courtroom, where law enforcers, jury and judge
must fathom the depths of loss and depression before making a
ruling for someone before the bar.
This Filipino American woman known for her radiant smile and
kind words is intimately acquainted with death, dying, loss and
grief. She is in fact one of the leading grief counselors in the
country today, one of the pioneers of the grief counseling
movement that has come precisely from the wings to center stage in moments of crisis in America.
"I've been doing grief counseling for 32 years," she said matter-of-factly. "I was trained as a social worker but I
had a corner in grief counseling for some time. " She taught the first courses about this art and form of
emotional healing in hospitals and universities.
At the time she was embarking on this career, Americans were still quiet and unbowed before tragedy,
tight-lipped and restrained in feelings- remember Jacqueline Kennedy who was never seen shedding a tear
in public when her husband, President John Kennedy was shot in Dallas?
In the 60's, it was considered dignified to shed no tears in the face of death and tragedy. But today, Mila
Tecala noted, there is more openness in expressing strong emotions such as anger, guilt, sadness, and
angst. Perhaps, as more people from other cultures made America their home, they imparted to others the
ability to be more open in expressing their feelings- through tears, talk, and "the opened ears of the heart" as
Mila put it.
For instance, Filipinos are able to grieve, go through a year-long process of mourning for a departed loved
one. We have rituals of mourning that are helpful," she said. "You see, when people do not grieve, the risk of
having depression and disorder increases, the risk becomes higher," she added.
September 11 Trauma
After the September 11 tragedy in the Pentagon in Arlington and in the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center
in Manhattan, Mila was asked by American Airlines to be one of the counselors for people affected by the
terrorist attacks. She later got a lot of referrals to help the rescue people who experienced trauma as they
retrieved the dead and the dying from the debris of those heinous attacks.
"The rescue people, the firefighters, those close to the tragedies were exposed to another kind of grief," she
noted. She also worked with at least seven people with direct involvement in the World Trade Center tragedy.
These included a husband, a child, a mother who lost loved ones in the World Trade Center in Manhattan.
The mother, Mila recalled, "defined herself as 'Paul's mother' and with Paul gone, she feels her identity is
inexorably shattered."
She first became interested in the healing of emotions while working in Georgetown University's Lombardi
Cancer Center with cancer-stricken patients, many of them on their way to the grave. As she counseled
patients on how to face and live with their cancers, she seemed "to have a mystical understanding about life
and death," noted The Washington Star in a feature profiling her.
Mila said:"Cancer is a crisis. I look at crisis as man standing on one leg. If you tap him he will fall over. I help
handle that crisis and then help them start a more meaningful life."
Despite the grim and dark days she would encounter with patients in crisis, she would almost always find
windows of light and hope. "I have many success stories of patients coming out of their crisis successfully. I
have many stories of people being healed. Nothing is impossible."
Death, loss, brokenness occur in a twinkling of an eye, a fast and quick moment, she said. "You are living
until death comes. You improve the quality of that life and to that last moment you continue to cope with the
concerns of the living. Today, American society has a better look at the quality of life rather than the quantity of
life."
Nestled Like a Heart
Mila Tecala, born in Argao, Cebu, an ancient island that is nestled like a human heart in the center of the
Philippine archipelago, described herself as " a healer of emotions, a doctor of emotions, if you like. Treating
loss and grief as a counselor makes her a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker and a good listener
rolled into one.
After 30 years of trailblazing America's grief therapy, Mila was honored as the Social Worker of the Year 2000
by the National Association of Social Work. She has led the way in teaching courses on death and dying,
bereavement and restoration from mourning.
Across the country and overseas, she has brought the pioneering courses, leading lawyers, clergy, nurses,
doctors and psychiatrists, among others to take a long look at grief and loss. In her lectures and courses, she
would identify the ten different types of loss, the deep-seated issues faced by he cancer and terminally-ill
patients, and their families and the multi-
faceted fears of dying, dealing with chronic pain, the loss of identity and the importance of forgiveness and
acceptance.
As a teacher, Mila would always embrace the great issues of death and life and the enormous amount of
material about these topics. She would abundantly share with others in a one or two-day workshop these vast
amount of ideas. Typically, she would finish the task with incredible grace, in presentation after presentation
that have been praised for her polished, organized, clear and engaging style. She would combine lecture and
slide presentations, care illustrations and audience participation, leaving her audience extremely
appreciative- for they would be able to apply lessons learned in their clinical practice and their personal lives,
they would be prepared to meet the cancer or the touch of death that one day would arrive.
"My role is to normalize feelings, to help people accept the reality of loss," she said. "Sometimes people heal
longer because they do not want to betray the memory of loved ones. "
Emotion Healer
Mila Tecala is uniquely qualified to be an emotion healer She knows the pain of separation both personally
and as a professional who left her native land and become a transplant of foreign soil. She holds that rare mix
of academic, counseling and publishing skills honed during more than three decades of clinical, experience,
research and an unquenchable curiosity and interest over life threatening experiences and soul-shattering
crises.
Often she would quote William Shakespeare's words when addressing grief, as though invoking the power of
poetry to soften the edges and harshness of pain. "'Give sorrow words'," she would quote the Bardon- Avon.
"The Grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break."
Cultivating resilience in the inner life, articulating with words and gentle gestures bruised feelings within,
enjoying the gifts of faith, optimism, unending hope and a love for music and singing on top of one's voice,
"with the help of karaoke", avid gardening, thriving in constant fellowship of family and friends, having parties
with people dearest and closest to her. These are some of the ingredients of Mila Tecala's beautiful and
strong life that garbs her everyday and which she brings back to her work. In the midst of her work, she would
bring this sparkling quality of life, it's healing joy and strength to her patients, many of them dying, some of
them people like herself who are in the business of healing others.
Because of this, she has, in more ways than one, been called not just a grief counselor but also a "therapist's
therapist."
A graduate of the School of Social Work at the University of Michigan, she is licensed in DC, Virginia and
Maryland. She is the founder and director of the Center for Loss and Grief in Washington. Established in
1979, the Center has been "helping people learn to live again and find meaning in their lives," Mila said.
For her impressive work in providing understanding of the grieving process that result from personal loss and
catastrophic events, she was recognized and made a member of the National Academics of Practitioners in
Social Work.
Besides running the Center, she has served as clinical director of the St. Francis Center and has held
positions as assistant professor in the Washington School of Psychiatry, as clinical instructor at Georgetown
University Hospital. She was also a consultant to the United States Peace Corps, the Whitman Walker Clinic
for AIDS Victims and the nationally-televised documentary film "Joan Robinson: One Woman's Story."
In the 1990, the Philippine Government asked her to serve as consultant following the killer earthquake of that
same year. She also served as consultant to the Health and Human Services publication The Breast Cancer
Digest and Coping with Cancer.
She currently serves on the Board of the Catholic Charities of the Bishop of Arlington and sits in the Peace
and Justice Committee of the Catholic Diocese of Arlington.
When she is not lecturing around the country or in countries like Thailand and Togo or counseling patients in
Washington, she basks in the tranquility of her home in Northern Virginia, where a flower garden thrives--
there her two grandchildren would come and add joy and vitality to her days of quiet, peace and serenity. #
"I've been doing grief counseling for 32 years," she said matter-of-factly. "I was trained as a social worker but I
had a corner in grief counseling for some time. " She taught the first courses about this art and form of
emotional healing in hospitals and universities.
At the time she was embarking on this career, Americans were still quiet and unbowed before tragedy,
tight-lipped and restrained in feelings- remember Jacqueline Kennedy who was never seen shedding a tear
in public when her husband, President John Kennedy was shot in Dallas?
In the 60's, it was considered dignified to shed no tears in the face of death and tragedy. But today, Mila
Tecala noted, there is more openness in expressing strong emotions such as anger, guilt, sadness, and
angst. Perhaps, as more people from other cultures made America their home, they imparted to others the
ability to be more open in expressing their feelings- through tears, talk, and "the opened ears of the heart" as
Mila put it.
For instance, Filipinos are able to grieve, go through a year-long process of mourning for a departed loved
one. We have rituals of mourning that are helpful," she said. "You see, when people do not grieve, the risk of
having depression and disorder increases, the risk becomes higher," she added.
September 11 Trauma
After the September 11 tragedy in the Pentagon in Arlington and in the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center
in Manhattan, Mila was asked by American Airlines to be one of the counselors for people affected by the
terrorist attacks. She later got a lot of referrals to help the rescue people who experienced trauma as they
retrieved the dead and the dying from the debris of those heinous attacks.
"The rescue people, the firefighters, those close to the tragedies were exposed to another kind of grief," she
noted. She also worked with at least seven people with direct involvement in the World Trade Center tragedy.
These included a husband, a child, a mother who lost loved ones in the World Trade Center in Manhattan.
The mother, Mila recalled, "defined herself as 'Paul's mother' and with Paul gone, she feels her identity is
inexorably shattered."
She first became interested in the healing of emotions while working in Georgetown University's Lombardi
Cancer Center with cancer-stricken patients, many of them on their way to the grave. As she counseled
patients on how to face and live with their cancers, she seemed "to have a mystical understanding about life
and death," noted The Washington Star in a feature profiling her.
Mila said:"Cancer is a crisis. I look at crisis as man standing on one leg. If you tap him he will fall over. I help
handle that crisis and then help them start a more meaningful life."
Despite the grim and dark days she would encounter with patients in crisis, she would almost always find
windows of light and hope. "I have many success stories of patients coming out of their crisis successfully. I
have many stories of people being healed. Nothing is impossible."
Death, loss, brokenness occur in a twinkling of an eye, a fast and quick moment, she said. "You are living
until death comes. You improve the quality of that life and to that last moment you continue to cope with the
concerns of the living. Today, American society has a better look at the quality of life rather than the quantity of
life."
Nestled Like a Heart
Mila Tecala, born in Argao, Cebu, an ancient island that is nestled like a human heart in the center of the
Philippine archipelago, described herself as " a healer of emotions, a doctor of emotions, if you like. Treating
loss and grief as a counselor makes her a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker and a good listener
rolled into one.
After 30 years of trailblazing America's grief therapy, Mila was honored as the Social Worker of the Year 2000
by the National Association of Social Work. She has led the way in teaching courses on death and dying,
bereavement and restoration from mourning.
Across the country and overseas, she has brought the pioneering courses, leading lawyers, clergy, nurses,
doctors and psychiatrists, among others to take a long look at grief and loss. In her lectures and courses, she
would identify the ten different types of loss, the deep-seated issues faced by he cancer and terminally-ill
patients, and their families and the multi-
faceted fears of dying, dealing with chronic pain, the loss of identity and the importance of forgiveness and
acceptance.
As a teacher, Mila would always embrace the great issues of death and life and the enormous amount of
material about these topics. She would abundantly share with others in a one or two-day workshop these vast
amount of ideas. Typically, she would finish the task with incredible grace, in presentation after presentation
that have been praised for her polished, organized, clear and engaging style. She would combine lecture and
slide presentations, care illustrations and audience participation, leaving her audience extremely
appreciative- for they would be able to apply lessons learned in their clinical practice and their personal lives,
they would be prepared to meet the cancer or the touch of death that one day would arrive.
"My role is to normalize feelings, to help people accept the reality of loss," she said. "Sometimes people heal
longer because they do not want to betray the memory of loved ones. "
Emotion Healer
Mila Tecala is uniquely qualified to be an emotion healer She knows the pain of separation both personally
and as a professional who left her native land and become a transplant of foreign soil. She holds that rare mix
of academic, counseling and publishing skills honed during more than three decades of clinical, experience,
research and an unquenchable curiosity and interest over life threatening experiences and soul-shattering
crises.
Often she would quote William Shakespeare's words when addressing grief, as though invoking the power of
poetry to soften the edges and harshness of pain. "'Give sorrow words'," she would quote the Bardon- Avon.
"The Grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break."
Cultivating resilience in the inner life, articulating with words and gentle gestures bruised feelings within,
enjoying the gifts of faith, optimism, unending hope and a love for music and singing on top of one's voice,
"with the help of karaoke", avid gardening, thriving in constant fellowship of family and friends, having parties
with people dearest and closest to her. These are some of the ingredients of Mila Tecala's beautiful and
strong life that garbs her everyday and which she brings back to her work. In the midst of her work, she would
bring this sparkling quality of life, it's healing joy and strength to her patients, many of them dying, some of
them people like herself who are in the business of healing others.
Because of this, she has, in more ways than one, been called not just a grief counselor but also a "therapist's
therapist."
A graduate of the School of Social Work at the University of Michigan, she is licensed in DC, Virginia and
Maryland. She is the founder and director of the Center for Loss and Grief in Washington. Established in
1979, the Center has been "helping people learn to live again and find meaning in their lives," Mila said.
For her impressive work in providing understanding of the grieving process that result from personal loss and
catastrophic events, she was recognized and made a member of the National Academics of Practitioners in
Social Work.
Besides running the Center, she has served as clinical director of the St. Francis Center and has held
positions as assistant professor in the Washington School of Psychiatry, as clinical instructor at Georgetown
University Hospital. She was also a consultant to the United States Peace Corps, the Whitman Walker Clinic
for AIDS Victims and the nationally-televised documentary film "Joan Robinson: One Woman's Story."
In the 1990, the Philippine Government asked her to serve as consultant following the killer earthquake of that
same year. She also served as consultant to the Health and Human Services publication The Breast Cancer
Digest and Coping with Cancer.
She currently serves on the Board of the Catholic Charities of the Bishop of Arlington and sits in the Peace
and Justice Committee of the Catholic Diocese of Arlington.
When she is not lecturing around the country or in countries like Thailand and Togo or counseling patients in
Washington, she basks in the tranquility of her home in Northern Virginia, where a flower garden thrives--
there her two grandchildren would come and add joy and vitality to her days of quiet, peace and serenity. #
Washington D.C. Since 1987
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